Week Seventeen Weigh-In:
(**Since we’re moving tomorrow, and I won’t have internet at the new house for a while, I decided to do my weigh-in today.)
87.8 lbs down from highest recorded weight.
65.8 lbs down from surgery weight.
3.8 lbs down from last week’s weigh-in.
Next goal: Down 90 lbs from my highest weight.
For some reason, most solid meals lately have made me pretty ill to the point of not wanting to consume anything but milk and water (but not together, ick).
It’s probably the same ol’ combination of factors—eat too much, too fast. It’s still pretty depressing to lose a meal and the calories and nutrients along with it. I’m still pretty good on my calories as of late, despite it. I’m supplementing my diet with lots of protein-fortified skim milk, and I’m quite fond of it, so that helps.
I’m not planning on “gorging” myself (whatever that means anymore) during the holidays, so I’m hoping my weight loss will stay steady. I’m thinking that since I’m moving and having to deal with family during this time, I’ll most likely feel pretty stressed, and that may be the biggest factor in holding me back from losing what I’d like. I’m also taking a short hiatus from my personal trainer, so I won’t be getting the rigorous workouts that I have been the past several weeks. I do hope that while we move, I’ll be getting a lot more physical activity that will help me burn what I want to until I can start a regular exercise regimen again.
I have been having some pretty STRONG cravings for no-no foods lately, and my hunger is creeping back. It isn’t strong, but I can feel when I haven’t consumed anything for a while and I do WANT to eat something. Our house has been in a sort of disarray while we’re packing for the move, and I haven’t really bothered with much grocery shopping for things I SHOULD have around for good, safe meals (cottage cheese, greek yogurt, etc). Next week, once we’re settled in, I plan to make a grocery run for all the things I should have in my pantry and fridge for those times I need something wholesome and good for me that fall along the WLS “diet plan”.
And oh yeah, it’s a freakin’ diet. When you’re told NEVER (exclamation point) to eat bread or crackers or pasta, you are on a diet, my friend. People say “I had WLS to never diet again!”, they’re dead wrong. You are RESTRICTED, foods are FORBIDDEN, and no matter how far out I see people, it’s still the same. Now, I realize the big catch is that the farther out you are, the more you’re able to eat, and so the super-dieting part of what I’m going through now will definitely have more wiggle room, but it’s still a life-long diet, and I dare anyone to tell me differently.
In other news, I am positively DREADING the holiday, and I’m not looking forward to it at all. I’m really looking forward to moving, settling in our new house, seeing friends, and hopefully sneaking in some resting time before I have to come back to work. Stress!
*Edit: This isn’t to say I am not grateful for family, I’m just anxiety-ridden and easily stressed.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged cravings, diet progression, exercise, feelings, non-WLS, personal trainer
Well, my bloggy friends, I’m in the middle of moving to a new house waaaaaay out in the country. What does this mean for us? Well, basically it means that I’ll be posting less for the next several weeks. I don’t think that will be too much of a problem for most of you since the holidays are coming up and nobody seems to read blogs during that time anyway. I just wanted to let you know so you won’t think I’m abandoning this blog!
In fact, I’m thinking about doing my VERY FIRST giveaway! It will be after we’re settled into the new house, so early January, but before then I’d love to hear your ideas for some fun WLS-related giveaway items. Ideas? Thoughts?
Home internet access will be sparse, so if you comment after the 25th, your comment may not be approved until I’m in contact with internet once again—so hold tight! I’ll have access at work for emergencies, and I’ll be back online soon enough! Until then, my friends, I’ll be working hard at moving all of my stuff to the new house, some last-minute packing, and trying to keep sane during the holidays.
So until then—what are YOUR holiday plans? See you soon!
Week Sixteen Weigh-In:
84 lbs down from highest recorded weight.
62 lbs down from surgery weight.
4.4 lbs down from last week’s weigh-in.
YAY! I met my last goal! Officially over 60 POUNDS down from surgery! (I wish it was 100, but I’ll take it). The loss is still going super slow, but I’m happy that I’m still losing, so I’ll take it!
Next goal: Down 90 lbs from my highest weight.
I’m having a bad day. It’s not WLS-related or friends or family or anything, basically I’m under a lot of pressure to do a lot in one day that depends on a lot of other people who aren’t doing their jobs, so I’m pissed off and stressed and sore from last night’s workout and lack of sleep from being spooked awake last night and bleeding from the crotch.
Normally, prior to surgery, I’d consider today a “fuck it” day and reach for a soda and get fast food for lunch and order pizza for dinner. I might grab a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and eat the whole thing after dinner. I might eat 4 pieces of fried chicken with biscuits and sides and soda. I was seriously dependent on food for comfort and it showed.
Now, I really don’t have that option. I might splurge on a sugar free chocolate marshmallow santa (oh yeah, they’re good), but that’s about it. I have to focus my frustration and anger and being overwhelmed somewhere other than being stuffed to the gills with sugar and fat.
Right now I’m sort of meditating at my desk with ears full of Sufjan Stevens, hoping to drown everyone else out while I get the work done that I need to do. I know I’ll have to work several hours overtime today, and I’m already so stressed that I snapped at someone trying to get my attention because I had headphones in. I’m a wreck.
I’m hoping today will get better, but I have a feeling that I’m going to be a wreck through the whole day until I get everything done. At least I won’t be shoveling in crap foods the entire time. Wish me luck.
I had yet another training session yesterday morning. She worked me HARD. We’re talking ’hundreds of lunges in directions I didn’t know my body could move’ hard. My butt is so sore today, and I bet it will be worse tomorrow. Of course, we’re meeting again tomorrow, so I’m going to have to suck it up and work through the soreness for another rough session. Man oh man, if I’m not stronger after this, then nothing is going to make me stronger.
I’m also cramping, so I’m feeling the combination of cramping and being sore from working out. This sucks.
I found out yesterday, while sifting through clothing in my room, that I’ve pretty much shrunk out of 99% of what I own. A new jacket my husband bought me in a size too small is finally fitting me, which is nice. But everything else is gapping like crazy. All of my pants, even jeans I dug out of the closet when we were packing that I wore sizes ago is falling off of me. I didn’t realize any of this is possible.
And it’s nice to see progress in places other than the scale, but it’s also frustrating. I like having clothing that fits me, and I don’t have the money to keep buying new clothes. Don’t you dare mention Goodwill or Ross, I hate sifting through racks of crap. I need pants that will shrink with me. I used to be able to wash a pair of jeans on hot and dry them on high to get them nice and snug again, but even the smallest size of jeans I currently own won’t shrink up to my size. It’s kind of bizarre. I need new clothes, and I hate finding money for new clothes.
Things I didn’t think I’d shrink out of so soon:
My sports bra
Yoga pants (6 pairs of them! And I love them!)
Practically every top that I own
Jeans. Even hot-out-of-the-dryer jeans.
I’m still not happy with the scale, and I’d like to see the numbers drop faster, but I’m just going to have to take what I can get. I don’t think I can make it move any faster when I’m doing my best with exercise, calories and protein. My surgeon is going to hate me when he sees me in January and I still haven’t lost 100lbs yet. I’m dreading that visit.
I wore an old dress about 4 sizes smaller than my highest weight to my husband’s work’s holiday party this weekend. I think I pulled off “cute”, though nobody said anything. I have pictures and I’ll have to post them next time.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged body image, exercise, non-scale victories, personal trainer, post-op, stall, weight loss
Week Fifteen Weigh-In:
79.6 lbs down from highest recorded weight.
57.6 lbs down from surgery weight.
4 lbs down from last week’s weigh-in.
I know it’s better than the LACK of loss last week, but I’m kind of disappointed that I didn’t lose more. *sigh* SO SLOW! I’m not sure what else I can do! Oh well, we’ll see what next week brings!
Next goal: Down 60lbs from surgery
As we were cleaning out our closets in preparation for the move, I found several pairs of old jeans. Some didn’t fit or had major flaws (why did I keep them, I ask myself? Probably because I have a hard time throwing stuff away.), but at least one pair worked just fine. I am wearing one of those pairs today—an older pair I bought at Torrid probably 4-5 years and 60lbs ago, at least. I remember when I bought it the rise was too low and I had to “tuck” myself into it. Today I’m wearing it, and it’s practically falling off. I’m typically a “high rise” kind of jean person, since I wear my weight low instead of high, but there are significant gaps in the back of these jeans.
And, not to toot my own horn too much, but Torrid jeans don’t go up as high as the Avenue jeans I used to wear. So what am I saying? I’m saying these jeans are about 2-3 sizes smaller than the ones I was wearing just a couple of months ago. If that’s not a non-scale victory, I don’t know what is.
Another wee little non-scale victory—hip bones and collar bones! Yup, I can feel both prominently now. Even though that asshole of a scale didn’t budge last week, I have a feeling my body is a tiny bit smaller. It feels surreal.
I think I am losing weight differently than I gained it, which is odd to me. That is, I think I’m smaller now at this weight than I was at this weight on the “going up” side. Does that make sense? It’s strange. Maybe it’s muscle after all.
What are your favorite non-scale victories? (And they don’t have to be weight-loss related at all.)
I had another training session last night, and she worked me HARD. I felt it all through the workout, and I was sweaty and out of breath and exhausted. At one point, towards the end, I felt a little lightheaded and dizzy and had to stop and drink some water. I felt really bad about that. Why does my body react like that?
And then I remembered that feeling—it was the same one I had when getting tons of blood drawn right before surgery. That woozy, light-headed, nauseous, almost-fainting feeling that I’m pretty sure is associated with a strong drop in blood sugar. Well, either that, or blood pressure. I couldn’t tell which, and the nurse at the time wasn’t able to explain why I was reacting so poorly to the blood draw (he thought I was just scared of needles, but to be fair, I had never reacted like that to a draw before). I haven’t had deliberate sugar or bready carbs in almost 4 months now (remember I did 2 weeks of pre-op diet prep, plus I was pretty much “on a diet” even before then), and I’m certain my body is still adjusting.
I had eaten an hour before the workout, so I’m not sure exactly what it was. My body wasn’t happy, though, and I felt myself shaking and struggling. I know my strength will build up over time, but it’s so disappointing to me to still struggle. I also didn’t want my trainer to feel bad, and I didn’t want to lose precious trainer time. The workout was still very thorough and I got a lot of good work in. I’m not sore right now, but I have a feeling that it will hit me later today, and even more tomorrow.
I see her again on Sunday, which means I get a few days to de-sore myself before working hard again. My arms and legs were jello after yesterday’s hard-working. I have a feeling I’m going to be building strength I never knew I had before while working with her.
In other news, my husband and I are in the middle of a big move out to the country. Moving and painting have been some good physical activity, too. I wish the scale would show that my hard work is paying off, but unfortunately I seem to have hit a minor stall. Maybe my Sunday weigh-in will show a break in the stall. I hope so, otherwise I might just smash my scale to bits!
I successfully ate a microwave dinner (one of those “café steamers” from Healthy Choice) yesterday. It was super filling, but really good. I got the kind without any rice/pasta and it just had meat, veggies and sauce without much sugar. I really enjoyed it. I like “real” (aka: made from scratch) food quite a bit, but there’s something to be said for convenience. Plus, the meat in microwave meals tends to be more tender and therefore easier for me to eat. I’ve found meat that I cook myself just doesn’t get as tender or go as well.
And the VERDICT on the sausage pancake bites? Abso-freaking-lutely delicious. Make some.
Erin the Loser 